Most of the time, especially at this point in time, I feel like something is wrong with me. Which is both weird and not at all unusual for a person to think. Generally I see people and think they're having a normal, super fun exciting life but that's just an assumption I make based on what I see of those people. Like they could have a mini zoo of a taxidermy collection in their basement that they like to gaze broodingly at during the night while they sip some sort of dark liquor from a crystal glass-- WE WILL NEVER KNOW.
I want to say that I understand how everyone doesn't feel quite right all the time, but that's a thing that I also don't know. We see so much in films and the media and whatever minimalistic conceptual art installation in some contemporary museum that people have a sense of dysfunction. And other people who consume this content will look at these things and relate to them with a deep exhale of "Ahh, yes, the feeling of isolation and anxiety. Here's $10,000 I want that on my wall." And that's totally fine. If you have the money and you enjoy art that's cool I feel like I might offend some people.
Recently I've observed something about myself. While I had an uncomfortable talk with another person. I realise that I don't really know how to convey emotion in a completely sincere and honest way. I can't show this person that I care about them or myself. I'm not entirely sure how I feel.
I care about what people think. I care about what I think (obviously, I have this blog and many self-involved stories to prove that). But is that really caring about another person? As I'm writing right now I'm thinking of the people who might read this (and my other posts) and what they'll think about me as a person. Is this post too self involved?
Overall writing this feels kind of like an exhale as well, I guess. A smaller exhale, like a little huff after running after your bus but you missed it so you sigh in disappointment but there's another one in 3 minutes so it's not that bad. Not worth $10,000.
