Orange is The New Black is here again. (and no one will hear from me for the next couple of days.)

I watch a lot of television. A lot. Like. So much. It's pretty crazy. Yet it's not really a unique or unusual trait-- especially now with the whole streaming/on demand thing being available ("how did people live before this stuff?" I've asked my cavemen ancestors in my head. I'm really stupid in my head.)

Alas my brother and I decided we should have a Netflix subscription and a whole new world of possibilities were opened, like discovering another universe too beautiful and complex for my tiny mind to even comprehend.

 But they do things so differently. As if they are another species so advanced and so much more evolved than us mere earthlings. They release a whole season in one go. Which is why now I'm waiting for the next season of Orange Is The New Black and seriously contemplating whether I should watch the whole thing or admit mortality and breathe. While Netflix is a beautiful website which has seduced us, is it really right to give up the power and let us decide for ourselves how to watch a whole season? It's like you're just standing on the street and someone randomly comes up to you with your income for the next year.

What now?

(logically you should go to the bank)

Do I spend everything?

(the bank)

Or stash is somewhere secretly in my house?

(bank)

Like... under my pillows.

(No. Bank.)

That's a pretty accurate metaphor. Except instead of money, they hand you a 13 hour long tv series.

Weird human crisis (I'm having a crisis)

As the title of this post suggests, I'm having a crisis. I mean, it's a pretty common thing for human beings to have these existential crises right? Like "what is the meaning of life" "are we a part of reality or simply a figment of Leonardo DiCaprio's imaginations"? Pretty common.

 And what does one do when they have said crisis? Do they seek out for meaning or stand in a public space throwing copies "Inception" DVDs on random passerbys? No, they write about it in their blog.

 While I continue to feel uncomfortable to write or speak about anything genuine or sincere because feelings are just inherently disgusting and painful and gross, I can't help but want to be sincere and honest about this crisis. I'm often jealous of people who seem that have things together, walking around like the world isn't a vast part of an ever extending galaxy, which in itself is just one of the infinite amount of possible galaxies in the universe. How do people not just think about this all the time? Sometimes I get the urge to grab random people on the shoulders and ask "HOW ARE YOU OK WITH THIS?"

Though I know the answer. Or the maybe possible answer on why people don't just have such crises at any given moment or time. It's because there's other things to worry about. They have actual things to do that occupies their minds.

 So instead of having an existential crisis, I decided to think about other things. Like the future and the rest of my life. This terrified me further and lead to a different type of crisis. What am I going to do? I don't have it together. Does everyone else know what they want to do for the rest of their lives? How do you find out? Did everyone secretly get instructions through a colourful leaflet that tells them what their goal is? At least I'm not thinking about the universe anymore. But this still sucks.

I got a new thing. (this got more dramatic than intended)

Remember that time I wrote a poem about my laptop and its whirring sounds of death? Or that one where it just died and I briefly reevaluated my life and how we as a human race will begin to regress due to the internet? Yeah, me neither. It's okay.

I finally did it today. I replaced me laptop. Sure, I'll admit, there was a tingling sense of guilt when I took the new one out of the box and placed it next to the old one (also the fact that I distinguished between them by "new" and "old"-- Sorry old one). Like that video I saw on youtube where this couple got a new kitten and their current cat looked at them with glazed eyes of betrayal and hurt. My laptop looked at me with equal amounts of betrayal and hurt. I just got this thing, a newer and thinner and shinier thing that will do things that my old laptop won't do (it has infinitely better specs... look at that battery life uheruhreuheruir)

I think the main issue here is not that I'm betraying my old laptop but the fact that I'm ridiculously sentimental about everything. Seriously. When I finished a notebook I made an emotional video montage about it. In slow motion. With a song in the background. True story.

 Anyways I'll miss the old laptop and we had some great times together. But now I'm mostly thinking about how much of a bitch it's going to be to transfer all my files across.

Thinking thoughts in my brain (I can't sleep).

Hello again,

Is it weird to start addressing my blog as a living entity? Not that I do it in real life, it's weird enough already through text. What if the blog starts talking back and forming it's own thoughts, gaining intelligence through the internet and everything I've inputted here and then just crawls out of the screen and start rapidly ranting to me about how I've been spewing nonsense for years and now it's my turn to listen to my own blog. I don't know, it may not be a bad thing. What if they have something interesting to say. But am I talking to my blog now? WHAT IS REALITY. 

In other news I'm on chapter 40 of Bukowski's 'Factotum' and I just cannot bring myself to finish it. Not in a good I-don't-want-this-book-to-end-it's-perfect-[Mockingjay whistle]-way. It's just so disappointing because the first book I ever read by him ('Ham on Rye') was so good and perfect and this, quite frankly, just seems like a shitty brag/fantasy of a pervert who is surrounded by really superficially described as disgusting women that all want to sleep with him.

(I'm sorry if you like that book… I mean, if you do, please feel free to tell me why.)

(Maybe I'll finish it and have a different opinion)

(open mindedness right?)

(riuhregouhgsiytreowhyegrh)